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Someone in the Navy’s Department of Redundancy Department ran out of busy work, because the Navy is now seeking inputs on revising the “Navy Ethos.” From the message, here’s what they’re aiming for:

ETHOS GENERALLY IDENTIFIES THE DISTINGUISHING CHARACTER, CULTURE, OR GUIDING BELIEFS OF A PERSON, GROUP, OR INSTITUTION. THE PURPOSE OF THE NAVY ETHOS STATEMENT IS TO COMMUNICATE AND EMPHASIZE THE FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES AND VALUES WE WOULD EXPECT TO BE SHARED BY ALL WHO SERVE WITHIN THE NAVY TEAM,MILITARY AND CIVILIAN ALIKE, NO MATTER WHAT COMMUNITY, COMMAND, SPECIALTY, OR POSITION EACH OF US ARE ASSOCIATED WITH.

I figured it was just going to be another Sailor’s Creed, but after reading their initial draft, I was wrong…so so wrong. The Navy Ethos:

We are the men and women of the United States Navy — guardians of American sea power and maritime security.

We are Active Duty, Reserve, and Civilian professionals — a diverse, elite and agile force who aspire to the highest standards of service to our Nation, at home and abroad, at sea and ashore.

We are a disciplined and well-prepared team, committed to mission accomplishment on sea, land, air, and space. We are unwavering in our dedication and accountability to our fellow Sailors and Civilians.

We are patriots, forged by the Navy’s core values of Honor, Courage and Commitment. Our proud heritage, tradition and deep resolve serve as our battle anthem.

Integrity is the foundation of our conduct; respect for others is fundamental to our character; bold leadership is crucial to our success.

We will prevail in the face of adversity with strength, determination, and dignity.

We are the United States Navy!

Isn’t this type of shit supposed to be motivating? It’s crap. Here’s my contribution:

We are the men and women of the United States Navy — guardians of American sea power and maritime security.

We are Active Duty, Reserve, and Civilian professionals — a diverse, elite and agile force who aspire to the highest standards of service to our Nation, at home and abroad, at sea and ashore.

Civilians? Are you shitting me? Civilians should not be put on the same level as sea-going Sailors. The only time I’ve ever seen civilians get underway was when we were going to Thailand, the PI, or somewhere else they couldn’t normally get a kitchen pass from their wives to go. Civilians make more money than us, get better training, and half or less of the bullshit associated with being in the Navy. Every time we have a civilian on board eating in the ward room, who despite never serving in the Navy or served one tour getting out as a third, and says some shit like “I’m equivalent to an O-3,” I want to bust their fucking mouth open. I’ll probably do the same thing when I get out, so I guess I shouldn’t talk too much shit, eh?

*Much respect to those salty retirees who decided to Stay Navy as a civilian!*

We are a disciplined and well-prepared team, committed to mission accomplishment on sea, land, air, and space. We are unwavering in our dedication and accountability to our fellow Sailors and Civilians.

I think I’m a pretty average Sailor, and I don’t even consider myself disciplined yet. Most of the “right things” I do, I do simply because the consequences of doing otherwise are too great. I really don’t care if I look like a bag of ass or not, but I know someone with Khakis on will.

Well-prepared? Yeah…we’re so well prepared, we buy most of our office supplies with our own money. Shit, we don’t even have the budget for things we should have a large stock of.

And I guess while I was so busy getting “well-prepared” and being committed to “mission accomplishment” that I kinda forgot what the mission was again. Seriously, what are we doing out here? Projecting power? Pissing off China? Defending the US..or is it the Japanese? If I was to sum up our mission, it’s getting prepared for the never ending inspection, drills, and qualifications, and trying not to piss off the Japanese. Would someone please tell me what the fuck it is we’re doing out here, because I am wasting my life away and I don’t know why.

We are patriots, forged by the Navy’s core values of Honor, Courage and Commitment. Our proud heritage, tradition and deep resolve serve as our battle anthem.

About the only part of our heritage left is having to put up with the bullshit that runs downhill. The other parts of our true heritage, tattoos, foul mouths, work hard…really play hard, chasing women, drinking, etc., is all frowned upon and it’s drilled into our head that we, as “professionals” (spare me), don’t engage in such unsavory acts anymore. It’s completely overlooked that the men who did those things in the past, “those who have gone before us,” were the same men who fought tooth and nail, were injured and were killed, in what was the last great war. The same fate occurred to our tradition? You know what happens when you cross the line on Wog Day now? You get wet! Seriously, it’s a day long event of you getting wet and people yelling at you as if what you’re doing isn’t spitting in the face of every true Sailor who crossed the line when men were men and Sailors weren’t a bunch of pussies. Oh well, everyone still thinks we’re a bunch of homos.

Integrity is the foundation of our conduct; respect for others is fundamental to our character; bold leadership is crucial to our success.

Because if we think otherwise, we’ll have to sit through a week’s worth of boring ass PowerPoint presentations to tell us how fucked up we are. Bold leadership?! When’s the last time any leader with any clout actually questioned something his superior directed when it was obviously fucked up and not in the best interests of their Sailors or their Navy? Just wait until the USS George Washington gets to Yokosuka, and one of their idiot Sailors fucks with someone out in town. Then we can see just how bold the leadership gets.

We will prevail in the face of adversity with strength, determination, and dignity.

We are the United States Navy!

This is the only thing I agree with. Whether the adversity is from the enemy, whoever that is, or from our own leadership, we will prevail. That’s what real Sailors do. They eat shit all day long, waste their talent and youth, piss and moan, drink in excess, act stupid, but when push comes to shove, there’s nowhere to run and hide on a ship. If and when it ever comes down to a real Naval battle, Sailors will be Sailors and will execute the mission of fighting the enemy, keeping the ship afloat, helping shipmates, or being buried at sea.