When I was first told that I would be going to Japan, everyone started telling me how I was going to be married within a few days of arriving. Despite my assurance that I wouldn’t be, everyone insisted I was wrong. My supervisor at the time even reminisced about young Sailors she worked with in Japan who had multiple Japanese girlfriends and was positive that I too would be one of these Sailors. Nearly two and a half years later and they were all wrong.
Japan is a funny place. It probably has more attractive women per capita than any other place in the world, or at least any other place I’ve been. Everything about them is sexy, from their natural beauty, to their hair, and even their semi-slutty clothes. Despite these women being so hot, many of them end up with some nasty foreign dudes. We have this running joke on the ship that the ugliest dudes will end up with the hottest girls, and surprisingly it’s been the truth so far. With the odds being so seemingly stacked in favor of the foreigner, you’d think a nice guy like me would be scrolling through a cell phone full of various Japanese girls’ numbers every night looking for some action. Sadly, that’s not the case.
I’m not positive why, but me and Japanese chicks just don’t seem to mix. I think part of it is what I look for in a potential partner. I’m not necessarily attracted to Japanese girls, I mean I am, but I’m not obsessed over them. A lot of the dudes in the Navy, who we affectionately refer to as Wapanese, come to Japan with these fantasies of meeting a beautiful Japanese girl who will hang on every word they say, cater to their every whim, and quickly become their wife. For some it’s actually true. These guys usually write off Western women as being ungrateful, bitchy, annoying, etc. In my case, I think I prefer a woman who can be independent, confident, and has a mind of her own. While the thought of being catered to by an Asian girl, having her clean my apartment, cook my food, etc., sounds good to any man on the surface, I think I’d eventually get annoyed and prefer that bitch of a Western woman.
Something else is the language barrier. The Japanese take English classes for like six years, but they’re very self conscious in attempting to carry on a conversation with an English speaker. I learned a handful of Japanese phrases on the Internet, and I use those motherfuckers left and right. I don’t get why they’re so shy, but it tends to bother me when trying to interact. Keep in mind, I may not have dated them, but I’ve talked to Japanese women. Whenever I happen to be with friends and we run into a group of Japanese ladies, I join them all in trying to carry on a conversation. Maybe it’s just bad luck, but it seems my girl always has limited English and absolutely horrible topics for conversation. I try to understand them and they kind of give me the smile-nod-and-say-sorry indication that they have no idea what I’m saying. Out of frustration I’ll look over to my friends who seem to be carrying on a conversation, but digging deeper, I can see they don’t really give a shit about the subject matter at all, and are just trying to pay as much attention to the girl and act as if her conversation is profound. I’ve done a lot of stuff to get into a girl’s pants, but it’s just too much work to sit there and act like I really give a shit about the weather or the Backstreet Boys.
Despite all that, I have been on one official date with a Japanese girl. I don’t remember her name, but I’m sure it was Yuki, Yuri, or some mix of both. I bet her in a bar in The Honch, the bar area across from the street from the base. I was out with a couple of friends singing karaoke and playing pool when these two Japanese girls walked in. They sat next to me at the bar, and after a few minutes I introduced myself. They started talking to all of us, and I decided to focus on one of the girls to see if it went anywhere. Two hours later I come to find out the girl I didn’t go for was a gaijin-crawling skank who apparently spends a good portion of her time in The Honch looking for American dudes. Maybe it would have been easier to mack it with her, but instead I was stuck with her shy and quiet younger sister. We go through the typical meaningless conversation, age, where I’m from, all the interesting stuff. Then I get to a point where I don’t know what to do. See, I’m well versed in the ways of mackin’ on American girls, so had she been one, I would have said “Hey, we’re about to go get something to eat, wanna come?” which would have led to “I guess I’m going home, wanna stop by my place for a few minutes?” and that would be that. This girl however had no emotion the whole night, and I couldn’t read her. I didn’t know if I was scaring her, annoying her, interesting her, nothing. I openly asked one of my friends how I’m supposed to close the deal, because I seriously didn’t know how. He went on to tell me how you just kind of demand everything and they listen. As a visual demonstration, he went over to the girl, and leaned against her back. She was pushed up against the bar a little, still emotionless, as he described how you can pretty much do anything without them caring. He’s normally a cool guy, but it was a real dick mood. I’m not that big a dick, so I just opted for asking for her phone number and figured I’d try later. We exchange numbers and then I head home for the night.
The next day she e-mails me telling me she had a good time. I replied to her and asked if she wanted to go to the movies. She agreed and we started trying to coordinate a time. Finally I got the bright idea of her coming to my house. I have a lot of movies, most of which are crap, so I figured we could just kick back and watch something. Surprisingly she agreed and in a few hours was at the train station. Back at my apartment she picked the movie “Love Actually” which we watched while sitting on the couch at a good distance and drinking Chu-His. I spent the greater part of the movie wondering how I was supposed to play the situation. I didn’t want to be too aggressive and have her think something completely different than what I intended, so I just held off and assumed things would fall into place. The movie ended and she wanted to watch another. She said that she hated horror movies because they scared her, so I figured putting in “Dawn of the Dead” would be perfect for getting some physical interaction going, with her jumping in my arms out of fear. I tend to be a little too optimistic when I’m planning things out. The movies did its trick and really scared her. Every time something happened on the screen, she’d jump up out of fear, and I’d give the little “why don’t sit over here” movement, which she completely missed or ignored every time. Feeling stupid and completely defeated, I waited until the movie was over, wished her a good night, and deleted her number from my phone.
I hope you weren’t expecting something more exciting. The whole thing was a waste of time really. It’s not that I’m looking to bang any Japanese chick that comes across my path; I’m just trying to form any kind of friendship with any Japanese girl, or even guy. If the friendship led to something more intimate I probably wouldn’t object. (I’m not talking about the dude.) When it comes down to it, I think I’m just not destined to be with a Japanese chick. The culture is too different, the interactions with them are difficult and frustrating, and I think I just need a chick who can appreciate my finer qualities, like sulking, sarcasm, and self deprecation. Any foreigners lucky enough to be drowning in a sea of Japanese chicks want to give me some pointers?
Comments 15
Well you’ve so far made it farther than I have with Japanese women. I have totaly given up and pretty much know it will never happen in this country.
Posted 04 Mar 2008 at 3:58 pm ¶Dude first you need to get out of the Honch if you want to meet a Japanese girl (meaning meet one you will eventually like to be with for longer than the 5,000 Yen love motel time limit). Once you do eventually meet one you can relate to you will find that they are not really submissive etc.
Posted 06 Mar 2008 at 1:36 am ¶Dude you live just south of the biggest most exciting city in the world. Get away from Yoko and go mack by yourself up in Yokohama and Tokyo (more to it than Shinjuku, Roppongi, and Shibuya).
Last I always remember one of the hardest players on my ship right before he transfer say his biggest regret in Japan was that he didn’t spend time hanging out with Japanese male friends. He was clocking a lot of trim but once you stabilize your girl situation if you get a good Japanese friend you’ll see how they party out (the only down side is that a lot of them like those hostess bars too much).
Kool Moedee is on target. When I first got over here years ago, I noticed that everybody had these hot JN girlfriends. Well, I had long since given up on American chicks(That included Asian American). So I was anxious to find out if it was true that JN girls loved Americans and made great girlfriends, not all caught up in their on BS and needs like our Princess wannabe females back in the states. Just like Moedee said I found out quickly the obvious. Don’t look for nice girls in bars. They don’t exist. The Honch is and was a magnet for bing drinkers and loose JN girls. But back then we could take the train and head to Club Pure in Yokohama. Well right off, I knew there was abig difference the personality of these JNs. Much less phsycosis. Many times I found that JNs would come up to me and ask me to dance. See JN girls have a “type” in their head. If YOU are not her type. Forget it. Some like white guys and some like the brothers. Few like both. If she is Brad Pitt fan, and you remotely have those features, you are in. Some like the non shaving Orlando Bloom types. Anyway, the point is. If she is all banging shy like the one you were with AFTER you met her in the Honch, I’d say, she is waiting for you to make the first move. She will not give you the signal. She is used to JN guys who jump them. Trust me if she doesn’t want you on her bod. She will go from shy to “get the fuck off me” in 2.2 seconds. The test for me was always to try to lean in for a kiss (in a private place) like my house. If she was resistant, I would immediately start thinking about what I could be doing with someone else for the rest of the evening. If she likes you, trust me, she is waiting for YOU to kiss her. After you’ve dated a while she will turn into the agressor. But don’t expect them to be affectionate in public. Don’t try to kiss a potential keeper in public. She will get pissed. See the trick is, stay away from Ho’s no matter what country or race you are involved in. If you want an accurate comparison to the US chicks you know, look for girls from good homes. Not many live in Yokosuka, many are decendents of the 8,000 prostitues who were set up in what is now called the Honch, but back in 1945 was a Relaxation & Recreation Association. Literally a state run brothel. Many had kids out of wedlock.
A note about JN girls. One on the average they are more highly educated than the average US girl. You find far more of them who have attended and completed college. The fact that they can speak and write some English says alot about their abilities compared to their western counterparts. Once you date them awhile their english ability explodes and actaully you can have deep conversations.
1. once you are married to one, you find that they will speak their minds and tell you exactly how they feel without fail. They make great mothers and are too ashamed to allow their kids to go out looking like crap. They push their children do good in school, and they almost all know how to cook. And yes, they learn to cook your favorite dishes in about 2days.
2. They generally are far more faithful to you then most western chick are.
3. When you take them to the states, they adapt far faster then these dependent US wives do here in Japan. They learn the ropes of the US really quick. And are far less afraid to try new things, then the dependent wives here.
Bottom line: JN wives are attractive to us, because they remind us of the way women used to be before the women’s movement and they learned to be selfish. See in your grandmas day your grandfather had to make the first move, and so should you in this case. US Chicks are fine if that is what you want in a partner who is gender role confused. But if you want a woman who is comfortable with being a woman (of the fairer sex) who likes to look and act like a woman. To be protected and comforted by you. If you want a woman who takes care of you like your mom did when you were a kid. I am talking clean cloths and house, like US women did in the old days. Then you want a JN. If not, then hire a good divorce lawyer and hide all your shit in your brother or sisters name……
Posted 08 Mar 2008 at 7:18 pm ¶I thought my post summed it up but Voxman is right on target. Must be a FC or something.
Posted 10 Mar 2008 at 11:54 am ¶I guess that’s why we didn’t work. My extreme yellowness was too much for you.
Posted 11 Mar 2008 at 8:19 pm ¶Hmm…Voxman is on point. Do you have a blog site as well?
As Vox said, the honch is def. not the place to pick up chics. I commend you for your efforts after the number swap!
Posted 12 Mar 2008 at 10:25 pm ¶Wow… I think I know how to successfully pick up a Japanese chick now….
I’m not your girl, but you know I love your finer qualities, like sulking, sarcasm, and self deprecation.
Posted 19 Mar 2008 at 9:49 am ¶Truth in advertising-I am deeply involved with a Japanese girl. Anyone who thinks they are “submissive” are very wrong. They just make you feel better while you are being used is all.
When I first came to Japan I resolved two things: 1) Learn Japanese and 2) Get away from the US Navy. By doing that I very much broadened my horizons and meeting girls (not just Japanese) became a lot easier. I joined a hiking club that was run by a British ex-pat. Half the folks who came were Japanese girls who wanted to practice their English. I wanted to work on my Japanese so it was a match made in heaven. I would point out that I was older than most folks e.g. 42 so I was working a slightly different “market” so to speak.
A second point I would offer is that a lot of guys don’t bother to “dress for success!” If you want to meet and greet a Japanese girl-don’t go out looking like you are ready for a 50 cent video. Dress nice. The girls do.
Finally get out and about-get away from Yokosuka and there are plenty of opportunities to meet some really nice girls. Of course it was easier for me because the current restrictions did not exist then and the “behave like a big boy system” was still in effect. But there are a lot of things to do, like HHH that will get you in touch with some really great girls. Even if you don’t you will have a great time away from Yokosuka.
Just my .02, YMMV. However I am sold on Asian women and are never going back.
http://www.americanwomensuck.com
Posted 20 Mar 2008 at 1:15 am ¶**”While the thought of being catered to by an Asian girl, having her clean my apartment, cook my food, etc., sounds good to any man on the surface, I think I’d eventually get annoyed and prefer that bitch of a Western woman.”**
On behalf of bitchy Western women…..Thanks?
Posted 20 Mar 2008 at 4:33 am ¶Wow, well I lived (stationed) in yoko for 10 years. I have been into JN girls since I first got there, but I’m also into girls period, just got into the JN’s coz I hated being one of the nameless hordes of sailors after the 12 american chicks that are there… Anyway, yea get away from the honch. Go to Tokyo or Yokohama, and even learning a bit of Japanese is a plus. Like was said before, the girls are waiting for you to make the move, like your date, she was probably wanting you. If she agreed to come to your house alone, you were more than likely one kiss away from your short-term goal. I have dated tons of Japanese girls (I was security/bartender/then manager of Club Pure in Yokohama) and they are worth a shot. I currently live in Hawaii and have gotten right back into dating US chicks no problem, it is all about how you treat a person and understand their needs. But, to be blunt, JN girls are easier and the rewards are quite often much greater.
Posted 07 Apr 2008 at 2:30 pm ¶i will lake to date a japanese girl because their technologically sound and i know much about technology.
Posted 08 Apr 2008 at 1:38 pm ¶i’m a Nigerian and i will like to meet such a japanese beautiful girl, meeting her will be like seeing my angel for the first time , knowing my purpose and fill my birth.
WISHING YOU GOOD LUCK.
Wow, VOXMAN hit the nail right on the head. You know me Jim and I ended up marrying a Japanese woman, and I’ve gotta tell you, it was the best decision I ever made. Other than my mother, she’s the most understanding, sympathetic woman I’ve ever met. Try to get a Western girl to express her point of view while treading lightly enough not to crush a guy’s fragile ego, and yes ALL our ego’s are fragile whether you want to admit it or not. Japanese girls are NOT shy once they get to know you, and have absolutely no problem telling you you’re all jacked up, but suprisingly they pull it off without making you feel completely inadequate. When you get back to Japan after your cruise, you should really think about giving it another shot with a girl preferably outside the Honch. Don’t get me wrong, not ALL the girls in the Honch are completely devoid of morals, or worse completely psychotic, but the further you get from the stomping ground of EVERY junior sailor in 7th fleet, the better the quality of the woman (generally, of course). I understand that Japanese women are not for everyone, but few guys I know regret getting involved with one. Oh by the way… YES my wife is way to hot for me. You were correct in stating that alot of fugly guys can get some pretty good looking girls. The truth behind it is all in the indigenous cultures. Beautiful Western girls are well aware of the perks that come with being beautiful and demand every bit of it, and depending on their values (which have been in short supply as of late), it may cost you a king’s ransom in materialistic things. On the other hand beautiful Japanese girls (again, making a generalization based on my own observations) are mostly taken advantage of by guys that already have everything and demand complete and unquestioning obedience from their “trophy girls”. So imagine you’re one of those girls and happen by a “trained” American guy who actually treats you as a human being, and BAM! you’ve got yourself a mutually beneficial relationship (one that probably will last a long time). My point is this: You may not be the type of guy to date a Japanese girl, and that’s fine; it’s not for everyone. However, my opinion is that you were just looking in the wrong place, and that if given the chance, a beatiful Japanese woman could be just what you were looking for.
See ya Jim!
Posted 16 Apr 2008 at 4:48 am ¶I am sorry, but a lot of you guys are just idiots! I share a lot of the qualities you say Japanese have and western women used to have. I work a full time job, cook, clean, take of my child and satisfy my husbands “needs” on the regular basis. I am happy to maintain this lifestyle because I have an wonderful husband that works two jobs, goes to school, takes care of his child and satisfies my “needs” on the regular basis. It is a partnership that we both have to contribute too. We have deep and meaningful conversations about anything and everything. Yes, I have an opinion and he allows me to voice it. I know when to hold back and I know when I can push an issue. I am not alone. I know several women willing to give the same effort to a relationship. However, several of them have a hard time finding men who are worth anything! Men want all this stuff from women, but what are they willing to give?
I have two male friends that married Japanese. One has a wife that I think is absolutely amazing! I would be happy if my son showed up with her on my door step. The other has a crappy wife and a crappy marriage. She started off cooking and cleaning and being a sexual slave. Now, 3 years in and a baby later, he is wondering where the women he married went. They actually sleep in separate beds. I thought this was an isolated situation, but I have come to find out similar things happen to several others. I point out two examples to say that nothing is 100%. U will find plenty of western women that would make crappy wives and plenty of Japanese that would make crappy wives.
The difference is Japanese are good about putting their best foot forward. A lot don’t show their emotions early own, so you may not really know who you are marrying. Some want to marry American men due to the fact they think their standards are lower than Japanese men and they can get away with more (told to me by my JN friend). Problem with western women (or you could look at it as the good thing too) is they are who they are from the very beginning. If she was bitchy when you met her she is probably going to be bitchy a year later. Some of the women have been tainted by “players” dating them and seeing multiple girls on the side, so yeah they might be a little bitchy! But, that bitch can also be one of the funniest, most caring, adventurous, reliable, sensual, financially responsible and LOYAL woman you will ever find.
So, again I will call y’all idiots only because I think any person that lumps an entire group of women and say negative or favorable things about them are idiots! If u have a preference for a particular type of person, ok! U like red heads or you like the Latinas, whatever! Fine, but when you say that certain attributes only correspond to certain races then I think you are ignorant!
One other thing, we had to have the women’s movement due to how many men were abandoning their families. We had to work and with the responsibility came the realization that we could make it on our own if need be. So, we have a lot of women that embrace their independence. And you might not like that. But, guess what… A lot of Japanese want to marry American men so they can taste that same freedom and independence their Japanese men won’t let them have. So, will you know if you have one of those women? With how fast a lot of y’all get married I doubt it. So, the ironic spin is y’all end up with westernized Japanese women! How fitting!
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 4:25 am ¶I gotta disagree with the “fine Japanese girls ending up with ugly foreigners” theory - In my experience, after living on Yokota as military and in Osaka as a civilian, the truly fine Japanese girls are rarely if ever interested in foreigners - period.
The semi-fine ones are attainable, but it generally takes a LOT of work - e.g., you have to speak pretty good Japanese, have to be willing to play the email-tag game for a while, have to put up with a lot of rejection, trial and error, knowing how to invite them out, etc. I did get more than my share of semi-fine ones, and maybe even an ultra-fine one or two, but it was only after I reached near-fluent Japanese (the really hot ones never speak English - ditses!) and started bouncing at an all-Japanese nightclub.
As for the ugly ones, well, we all know the story with them, and how lots of foreigners are convinced they’ve got a ‘hot’ J-girl when they really, really don’t. In fact, Japanese guys have a stereotype about foreign guys in Japan - that they only go for the ugly J-girls that the J-guys don’t want, making it a match made in heaven. Unsurprisingly, these are usually the girls who speak English (I wonder why?).
Basically, if a J-girl (1) speaks English, and even more importantly (2) is hanging around near a base, then she is definitely hunting for GIs. As for the rest of the Japanese female population, we have our work cut out for us.
To the guy who thinks that J-girls are “much easier” than American girls, that was not my experience at all, unless you are talking about just the busted up J-girls. By the time I came back to the States, I did not know any other foreigners in Osaka who could match the caliber of chicks I was getting. The only catch was, for the effort I had to put into getting each one of my J-girls, I could have had five decent American girls back in the States. I can get ‘desirable’ white girls with my eyes closed, in fact I turn them down regularly because they do nothing for me.
Chasing my J-girls used to cause me endless frustration. although like you said, “the rewards are much greater” - nothing like getting to undress some smoking hot J-chick out of those trendy little clothes!!
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 4:28 pm ¶pointer DON’T pick up chicks out of the honch… go to places where you are the only foreigners learn japanese
Posted 14 Aug 2008 at 5:59 am ¶Post a Comment
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